Monday, August 6, 2012

Lessons Learned


Wow. It has been a long time since I have posted something. I will blame it on a busy, yet fun and rewarding summer. We had some nice trips and got to see family and friends. Honestly, it is mainly because I have made sure not to waste my time on a computer, as I once did. I have finally resigned myself to knowing that writing is cathartic to me and that matters. Surfing the web to see what celeb is in rehab this week doesn't. 

I have so many things that I could blog about, but I think that I am going to stick with lessons learned.

As you may know, I had a long battle with pneumonia and had other health problems, mother severe Alzheimer's, and I have a tendency to rush, rush, rush and stay busy, busy, busy.

This past year, and by past year I mean since September 2011 until now, I have learned, or rather re-learned some meaningful lessons. These lessons came from many situations in my life, trips that I took, or people that I shared my time with.

Here is what I have learned-Patience for others, patience for situations and certainly, patience for myself. Not only patience, but that term I use over and over, slowing down. Slowing down to create and be a part of real life experiences and getting to share them with truly wonderful people. In the last 11 months I have learned that I have been living a life where I want things to happen as fast as possible. We have been conditioned for instant gratification. Text me back right away. Push this button and rent a movie now. Take this pill or drink this shake and become skinny this week. It is a and confining mold to break out of. Now, now now!!

Well, pneumonia made me realize that I was going to have a long, tough hill to climb to get back to where I was. I would have to learn to be patient with myself instead of so critical of myself. At the end of June, I got the "all clear" from the pulmonologist. My lungs were healthy. They were healthy, but I certainly was not up to speed with my workouts. Getting the "all clear" did not mean I was instantly better. When it comes to working out, I am dedicated, I work hard. But when I was recovering, I lost a ton of strength. I had to take breaks because I literally could not breathe. There was one workout that I even had to quit, take a "DNF." This was tragic to me. You may think, what does she mean “tragic”? It is just a workout. The thing is, CrossFit taught me not to quit. Even if it was going to take me a long time to get through a workout, I finished it, no matter what. 

So here I was, after eight months of not feeling like me, like Molly, the woman who is strong and fast I was now the woman who used to be strong and fast. I had to have patience with myself. I had to remember that it was a process, a journey. I had to learn that just because cleaning 95 pounds for multiple reps was now an immense struggle, when it once had been a standard thing, didn't mean I was a failure. It didn't mean I wasn't ever going to be able to do it again. I learned that I shouldn't be embarrassed at my abilities or lack thereof. I had to have patience, put the work in and know that I would get there....again. I had to believe in the process and believe in myself. And so I still hit the gym I work every day on my strength, my speed and my mental game. I am nowhere near where I used to be. I sometimes feel like I am doing burpees in a tar pit and lifting elephants, not barbells, but I continue to come back for a beating, knowing that I will soon reap the rewards of my time spent- sweat dripping, muscles aching.

I always look forward to my annual trip to Colorado. One of the things I love about it is that I feel that the people I chose to spend time with have a different mentality than most. We went out to Elk Mountain Ranch, which happens to be where I once worked and where I met my husband. Tom and Sue, the owners, and their kids Hunter and Ty some of my most favorite people in the world. Tom and Sue are our kid's Godparents and for good reason. I cannot imagine anyone not liking these people. They among the kindest, and most loving, honest, hard working, and truly giving individuals that I know. They love you simply for yourself. They have never cared much about material things. They live their summer days working with people and horses and making each day better than the day before. 

The ranch is situated at over 9,600 ft in the mountains of Colorado. They generate their own power there. It is truly one of the most beautiful places I have ever been view during the day consists of the 14,000 ft Collegiate peaks, aspens for miles, evergreens and Indian Paint brush galore. At night, the most amazing display of stars that you have ever seen. When we take walks at night we say, "One more shooting star and then we will turn around and go home."

There's no TV, limited cell service, and I think t this is wonderful. The entire week is not spent constantly checking emails or facebook. It is not watching TV shows that really do not matter. Instead, you are running down a dirt road with Mt. Princeton to look at. You are riding horses through a sea of quaking Aspens. You are playing board games with the others staying there. Having conversations and sharing laughter with people that two days ago were strangers. You are taking the time to fish with your kids and showing them how to clean that fish. You are sitting down to read that book you've been meaning to read forever. Loving that your husband feels like he is 20 years old again and working there as a wrangler, just as he once did. Or taking that nap that you never get to take at home because you are too busy. It is all about real experiences, real people, and slowing down to truly enjoy life.

While in Colorado, I also stayed at a friend's house in Colorado Springs, a dear friend named Kristen. We met when our kids were in Gymboree class together about 8 years ago. This wonderful lady has such a grace about her. She is that person that is ever positive. Her smile and laugh are infectious. She has been through some tough times lately, but somehow managed to come out of it still the happy, fun and super positive person that she has always been. She also is someone who is beautiful on the inside and out, yet has a hard time believing this about herself. Kristen loves each person for who they are, not by the car they drive or the clothes they wear. I so often wish that we didn't live so far away from each other because I would love to spend more time with her. 

Being around Kristen, Tom, and Sue and their children is always a treat. They are the kind of people that you feel make you a better person just by being with them. Real people and real experiences, that is what it is all about. Loving and accepting yourself for who you are at that moment and then using each day to create a better day and a better you than the one before.

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